Merry Christmas!

Deric and I had such a blessed time with our family and each other this year. On Christmas Eve, Deric was busy at the church so I was lazy during the day. We enjoyed our evening by going to church then coming home and opening presents. I made beef stew and biscuits (which was so yummy since it was so cold outside). Deric and I both commented on how we enjoyed this Christmas just as much, even though we didn't spend a ton of money getting gifts for each other. I did, however, get a new Grinch for my collection and a great Disney Trivia game for our Wii. This game is very fun!!! 

Here is our traditional Christmas Eve picture under the tree. I didn't realize how big I am until we started taking pictures. I also didn't realize how badly I needed a tan too!!

On Christmas day Deric always wakes me up with singing a Christmas song by Five Iron Frenzy called, "You Gotta Get Up." It always makes me smile and I can't wait for Sophi to enjoy Deric's silly song! We then went over to my family's house. We are always so blessed with some many presents. We both felt very thankful. Deric enjoyed playing Guitar Hero Rock Band the entire day. He improved his skills in the drums and was very proud! 

Here are the pictures from there (minus Shelby):

My brother Justin and his girlfriend Michelle (she's officially one of us-she has a nickname-Mitsy Bitsy)

Our kitty Roxy. She's not doing well and will be seeing Jesus soon. :( 

This is her favorite place in the house to lay, right in the snow. :)

Deric and I then went to his family's house. We are exchanging gifts with the entire family next week since Deric's brother Joel, Susie and Maddy are visiting Susie's family, so we just ate a ton of food and played games. His family always makes a ton of jokes! His grandma was the highlight of the evening. Instead of using words while playing Catch Phrase, she'd act out the word. It was always a funny moment when it was her turn! 

The night ended with Deric and I watching Dr. Quinn in bed and thanking God for a wonderful Christmas. A few tears were shed of thankfulness. :)

The search for the crib bedding

So I am very picky, maybe too picky. When I like something it is hard for me to find a substitute. So ever since we found out we were having a girl, well probably before that, I've been trying to find crib bedding that I like. I found one style from Pottery Barn, but I knew it would be rude of me to ask people to buy such expensive stuff, so I found a similar set but at Target. 

Deric and I registered for the set and all the cute things that match. It was a joyous time!

Then came yesterday...

I was bored so I was looking at our registry. I noticed all the crib set, etc. was clearanced! I know Target does this often, but come on! The bedding set was normally 59.99 and was marked down to 14.98!!! So I panic and have Deric hit up the closest Target to us. No luck. I wait and wait for Deric to come home so we can eat and hit up 2 other Targets. 

Deric finally makes it home and we go to one Target who kindly gives us a list of Targets that say they have 1 left. Deric and I get to the car and call to make sure these Targets have the item. 

Luckally we found a Target that had the bedding, but as Deric informed me, Target does not clearance their items all the same nor all at the same time. So this only Target within reasonable driving distance had the bedding I loved, but was still at regular price!!! 

Through many tears (I know it sounds silly to cry, but a) I'm pregnant and b) Remember I said I was picky?) we go and get the bedding. 

My heart can rest at ease that the crib bedding I searched for was found and I own one of the last ones in Phoenix. 

Everything else I can just coordinate with the bedding... I slept good that night. :)

Let's just pray Target doesn't come out with cuter bedding then the one I got!!! 

Random thoughts

As I was laying in bed last night, trying to fall asleep (mostly because I couldn't breathe and I just drank a Dr. Pepper), I had some random thoughts I needed to blog about.

Here they are in no particular order:

1. I sure love Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. T.V. shows like this one just don't exist anymore.

2. I'm very glad Michelle won as the Biggest Loser. She was the only one with a good attitude. I think people were cheering that Vicki didn't win last night!! Did anyone else notice that Heba would have won if America voted for her? Her percantage was higher than Michelle's. I'm glad people voted correctly. :)

3. Could you believe what Amy (from the red team)looked like on the Biggest Loser? I just can't get over the fact how good she looks. She doesn't even look like the same person!! By the way, if Heba would have won, Amy would have won the 100,000. :)

4. The "Nesting" Period has begun in the Miller Household. Well, atleast for me. I have started doing project after project getting our house ready for Sophi. We still have boxes from our move that never got cleaned out, so my goal is to finish those by the New Year. I have Sophi's room almost ready to be cleared out and ready for paint. In the meantime, Deric's office is going through a transformation. We are making it organized!! We started a new filing system and shredded and shredded tons of papers we don't need. Besides all the organizing, I've been printing out all the pictures from our computer since we got married 2 1/2 years ago. I can't have a baby and be this far behind in my scrapbook!! I know those pictures will never get done once Sophi comes! I won't go into anymore boring details of the rest of my list. Let's just say it just keeps growing. :)

5. I'm still in awe that Christmas is next week. I seriously have NO shopping done. There are many reasons for that, but a big one is I have no clue what to get people. It seems the longer you know someone, the harder the gift giving becomes. There are only so many picture frames, body lotions, and gift cards one can give. 

6. Christmas is going to be so special this year for Deric and I. We aren't going all out and giving each other a ton of things like we have in the past. I'm really looking forward in spending time with him Christmas Eve,  just him and I. This is the last Christmas we will have together until our kids leave the house. The thought that our lives will be changed forever, in a good way, is something that makes want to savor each remaining moment. Christmas will no longer be 2 stockings, but 3.. maybe 4 (No plans to go over 4). What 3 joyous Christmas' Deric and I have spent gazing at each other under our tree. Deric continues to amaze me and no words can describe how much I love him. He has been such a rock in times of storms. Sometimes when he is acting so silly, I just smile and think, "How could I be so blessed?" God truly has given me the perfect match. I recently lost a childhood friend. He was not even married 2 months before he went to be with the Lord. At his funeral, his wife really spoke to my heart. I've only met her once before, but I could feel the deep hurt she is going through. She lost her best friend, and instead of celebrating their wedding, people were gathered for his funeral. She reminded me that people are so worried about what we have.. the perfect house, clothes, cars. We take so much for granted and don't treasure what it truly important. Each day, each moment needs to be not taken lightly. As I thought about what she was saying, it really hit me (not that I didn't know this before, but this time I was really listening) that I don't need 20 gifts nor have the best decorated house. I need to treasure the people, the moments. I'm blessed to have this be the 3rd married Christmas with Deric. My friend will never have that. It's not about the gifts that stress me out so much, it's about celebrating Jesus' birth and treasuring the memories with family and friends. *Okay, now I feel like I'm typing a sermon.. so I'll end those thoughts*  

Deric and I may have a Charlie Brown Christmas this year, but its certainly much more than that to me. Christmas is all in the heart. :)

Well I think I've rambled more than usual, so I will go. Unfortunately, blogger is giving me picture problems, so I can't post any now. 

OH!! I truly love playing Whooville-opoly. I was the Grinch and Deric was Max. 

I totally beat Deric in our 2 days game duel. I don't think I'd ever play regular Monopoly, its too boring.. :)

Karilee inspired me!

Here are some random pictures of our Christmas decorations. Since it's our first Christmas in our house, it was fun having so much space to put things! 

Our tree has 1,900 lights on it! Deric took 3 days to put it together! He always does such a great job! My job is to help put on the ornaments after all the lights, ribbon, and beads are on. 

Sometimes I just need a reminder.. and really listen to it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

So Deric and I were trying to take a picture for our Christmas cards, needless to say, I was not happy with our selection. So Deric decided to help cheer me up, he'd be himself and just pose and smile goofy. We got a couple good shots, but this one is my favorite. I don't know if it will be our Christmas card, but it made me even more thankful that I have a husband who, in the midst of me trying to be too picky, made a bad situation, good. :) 

Elf Yourself

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

6 month pic

It just seems like time is flying! It also seems like Deric always wants a take a pic when I haven't done my hair or my make-up. But, my belly is rapidly growing and Sophi is kicking all the time!! It is the greatest feeling ever!

5 month pic

I know.. I know.. I look tired. My pics all look like this now. 

But here is me, now 5 months prego. 

Happy Halloween!

This year since Deric and I were in our house, I decided we needed a jack-o-lantern. Deric had never carved a pumpkin in his life, so I needed to take pics of this first time experience. We also enjoyed watching "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown", something Deric had never seen either!

Before 

The pumpkin's guts

Our finished pumpkin named Jack. Deric wanted him to look like Charlie Brown's pumpkin. 

Me with Jack.. pay no attention to me looking really tired. BUT, notice my awesome T-shirt!

My fall trip

This past weekend I journeyed to Wisconsin to see some college friends and to go to my dream concert. One thing you must know about me is that these two artists, are my top two favorite artists. As you can imagine, I have nothing bad to say about this concert. Granted, I was close to the youngest person there, but it was AMAZING! Needless to say, I did cry a couple times. :) 

My friend Angela and I also went to an apple orchard. It was so cold and windy!! But it was fun doing something "fall" and seeing that trees really do change colors. Here are a few pics:

I'm eating the best apple ever!!

Picking an apple from the tree.. however a lot of them were rotten

Angela and I taking shelter from the wind

Here I am holding a pumpkin in the pumpkin patch. 

It's a girl!!

Well our dr. apt on Tuesday went fabulous!!! Deric and I were both amazed all the things they were able to check... 4 chambers of the heart, measure the arm and leg bone, check blood flow, 2 eyes, 2 nostrils.. I mean the list keeps going!
I had the feeling it was a girl, but you never know... Once she started looking "down there" I just knew it was a girl. :)
So little little Sophi Jean is growing and is healthy!
Speaking of growing.. for about 2 weeks now I've been feeling Sophi move. It first started when I was taking a nap on a Sunday afternoon and woke up to this weird feeling. I changed positions and the "flutter" happened again! I guessed it was the baby, but wasn't sure.
So the next night at dinner, while eating Red Lobster :), it was the same "flutter"!
Well to take you to current time, Sophi moves pretty much all day long. Anytime I'm sitting or eating, she's active. She's really enjoyed the music at church and her favorite meal thus far is popcorn with a decaf pumkin spice latte from Starbucks. :)
Luckally I've been able to share the excitement with someone. Last Sunday, the 12th, Deric felt her move for the first time. Even though it's not exactly the same, I'm glad Deric can experience Sophi's movement! She is happy!
Tomorrow we are going to Babies r us to register. We found our bedding at Target, but are picking out other items at the giant baby megastore!!
I'll attach pics of Sophi's ultra sound soon. (Meaning.. when I get home)

Goodbye nauseous.. Hello river of tears

Well I'm into my 15th week of pregnancy. Besides the occasional nauseous, the annoying migraines, and going to the bathroom all the time, I'm doing pretty well. I've noticed I am way more emotional than a month ago. Tears seem to be my friend. :) 

We went to the doctor last Thursday and heard the heartbeat for the first time. The doctor was so quick, by time I realized what was happening, it was over. I didn't even have time to get emotional.. it was that quick! Our baby's heartbeat was 177bpm! 

My belly is definitely getting bigger. It is much tighter and all my favorite t-shirts are going to be put away very soon. I'm glad that my pants are still manageable (but I don't dare to try on my jeans or anything w/ a button!)

We are eagerly waiting for Oct. 14th. It will be here before we know it! We still aren't sure what we are going to do come the new year, or even Dec. 1st. The thought of trying to decide that, makes me not even want to think about it. I know God will open the door for us and show us what to do. All we know is that we are excited for our Beanie Baby! It will be a great day to see his/her face!! 

Our growing Beanie Baby

Today we had an exciting ultra-sound. We went in, not sure what was going to be done. "Where we going to hear the heart-beat?" We weren't sure. Then the doctor announced we were going to have an ultra sound. My stomach just twisted. Immediately on the screen pops this baby with legs and toes!! I said, "Oh my gosh!" It was so crazy because less than a month ago it was hard to tell it was a baby. In the picture above, the doctor said the baby was covering it's mouth with one of it's hands. The baby's heart rate was 171bpm. Dr. Sawyer said it's an old wives' tail that it beating that fast means it's a girl. Who knows? Speaking of what our little Beanie Baby is... we find out Oct. 14th what we are having! 

It was a very exciting day. We didn't get to hear the little heart, but next month we will. It's only 4 inches tall, too small for the doppler. 

I'm still amazed that this tiny person is growing inside me. It's too surreal. The miracle and the power of God is so overwhelming. Only He can be in control, knowing every move, every bit of growth. It's so amazing.

Of course I still feel sick (actually while I'm typing this I'm feeling quite blah), but it's not everyday you get to see your baby covering it's mouth!! (Maybe it was yawning).

Deric and I are very excited!!!!!!!!

A recent post atlast!

For those of you who read my blog, I'm sorry for the month daily. It's been really crazy around the Miller household.
First we found out on July 4th that we are expecting! We waited until the doctor's apt to tell our friends. We are so excited and very thankful that God has kept our little beanie baby (that's our nickname until we find out if it's a girl/boy) safe thus far. I'm due March 12th and am well into not feeling well. My body is changing and I'm really emotional. Deric has been so patient and supportive. I'm thankful he hasn't held my crazy mood swings aganist me.
We also moved into our house at the end of July. I also turned the big 25. It's truly made me feel like an adult. We have a house and a baby on the way. The boxes are everywhere! Sometimes it's truly overwhelleming, especially when 6/7 days I don't feel well.

This next year of my life is going to be filled with so many changes. I pray that God continues to keep us and the baby safe, as well as provide for all of our family's needs.

Rain and Fireworks

Isn't rain crazy? Yesterday Deric and I were up in Prescott with my family. It was kind of warm and then all of a sudden the rain clouds came in! It was pouring for the rest of the day. Sadly, it was still raining at 7:30, so we decided to go back to Phoenix b/c they can't have fireworks with it pouring. So our firework display was viewed from far away with the city in the horizon. The best part was freezing in Prescott! I'm sure thankful for those little moments, even if we didn't get to enjoy the full Fourth of July experience. 

Day 28 of the wait

So after driving myself crazy on Monday and crying for 3o minutes... I'm still waiting!! Deric kindly reminded me that it doesn't mean I only have this month. We just keep swimming, swimming, until it happens. He is right, but it's hard when you want it so bad. I'm really hard on myself. Satan keeps filling my mind with guilt and jealousy. All these babies everywhere! I even read an article that says if you drink coffee, even decaf, it can lead to miscarriages. Now I'm thinking, "Oh great! It was the coffee!" I really need to keep myself busy that way my mind doesn't think these things. It's been the hardest 7 months of my life!

Moving on.. last month I was 29 days so I'm waiting until Friday or Saturday! I keep having weird dreams about all of this. Here's the latest: Last night I was in Target trying to find the pregnancy tests. I ran up and down every aisle searching. I was yelling and throwing up! 

It was truly a crazy dream that lasted a long time. 

Thanks for those of you who are praying for me. I need it! 

Butterflies and babies

So we got a house! Yeah! I'm very excited, but while waiting to hear about it I've been making myself sick! I've felt a little bit better since we found out that we got the house, but I'm still nervous about baby stuff.... I'm trying really hard to patiently wait for the Lord and not take a test until Friday. But I want to know!!! Should I ease my mind and just do it? Or try to find peace in the Lord until then?
Until I decide... I'll do anyother crossword to take my mind off it.

The status of our move

Karilee, here's my answer to your question..
Yes, we are moving. Well, we don't know where yet. Our lease is up at the end of July. We are planning on renting a house..long story why we can't buy now. We really need the space and if a little Miller comes, he/she needs a place to sleep!! (I guess our closet could do...)
So we are looking for a house to rent and get into by Aug 1st. So that's the scoop!

It's Friday... I'm bored..

So I've haven't written in awhile and I'm bored so I'm going to list all the things I've been doing:
1. changing dirty diapers
2. going to the chiropractor and getting x-rays, in hopes to get rid of my migraines.
3. finding out my spine is really messed up!
4. stressing on what to get my hubby for our anniversary
5. not wanting to go anywhere bc of the heat, but wanting to go somewhere bc I'm bored.
6. trying to make up 10 things for this list.
7. really dreading packing up our apt. (too much stuff!)
8. praying for a little baby everyday
9. remembering why I hate taking showers
10. watching continuous 24 w/ Deric

If you look at this list, it's pretty low-key. A lot of it is thinking... which is not always bad. I wish eating and thinking didn't always have to go together..
Oh! So if I needed a #11.. it would be: working out for a few minutes and getting tired of the heat!!

She was a great kitty

On Monday, my family had to say good-bye to our kitty Mittens. We had her since a baby. In February we found out she had kidney failure. She was the toughest kitty ever!! Some days she wouldn't eat and my mom would think she gave up, then the next morning she'd be running around, eating, and being herself. She fought hard, but during the weekend, she had no more strength. It was a tough decision for my family, to put her down, but she didn't know us and she wasn't herself. She loved the outdoors. She always wanted to go out when the door opened. She loved laying in the window sunbathing. I'll miss her the most at family dinners. She always came under the table and said "hello" with her tail. It will be weird not having that "hello" anymore. Her mother, Roxy, is still with us. She is totally freaking out. She knows something went wrong. I'll miss my baby Mittens, or Babeil (the name I gave her and made up when she first came to live with us). "I'll see you in heaven." That was the last thing I said to her.

Lars and the Real Girl

Lars and the Real Girl is a clever movie. Even though at times this movie was slow it had a good meaning. Lars is a lonely 27 year old man who lives in his brother's garage. He never socializes, but attends church every Sunday. One night he tells his brother and his sister-in-law he wants to bring his girlfriend to dinner. They are overjoyed! The next scene had me cracking up! Lars brings in his fake mannequin girlfriend, Bianca. Anyways, I don't want to spoil the movie, but it really teaches us how to love each other. The entire town supports Lars and welcomes Bianca. Despite Lars thinking she really is alive, the town and his family show compassion and love. This movie has no language and is really clean. Wouldn't it be great if everyone just treated people with compassion and love despite all of our differences and sometimes unrealistic thinking? Instead of always criticizing people, what if we helped them through, showing them a bit of God's grace? It's truly a good movie, be patient with it's slow scenes, it's worth it. :)

Like I said.. LOST is crazy!

So Deric and I stayed up till after midnight last night watching the LOST season finale. It was totally crazy!!! I love this show! Anyone who hasn't watched this show, must pick it up. It makes you think, so that's good. :)

A few more things I've learned..

So since my last post on things I've learned, I really have been thinking about what am I learning.

Here are a few thoughts since my last post..

1. I wonder if God purposefully gives us cold air allowing us Arizonans to wear jackets and pants, right before the heat? Is the cold weather a little gift before its over 100 for more than 100 days!

2. No matter how nice the resort, I can never sleep in hotel beds. I'm forever cursed. Nothing is better than my own bed.

3. Speaking of hotels, Deric and I go to bed with our ceiling fan on everynight. (Even in the winter). I can't sleep at hotels because it's too quiet. I need the noise to really sleep.


Those are just a few of the things I've been learning. Today's sermon was really tugging at my heart strings. I can't wait to challenge myself and come to God when I'm worrying.. which I do often..

Also, don't forget to keep Steven Curtis Chapman and his family in your prayers. Sadly they lost their little girl in an accident this past week. :(

Thanks Krystle for tagging me!

What I've learned lately:

1. I really do like chocolate, no matter how much I avoid it.
2. 2 margaritas are two too many.
3. I can't please everyone.
4. It's okay to be angry with God sometimes.
5. I shouldn't doubt myself, it doesn't help.
6. Yoga isn't my strongest subject.
7. It's okay for friends to grow apart.
8. Next week I'm going to learn more things.
9. Life never goes how you have planned.
10. God's plan is bigger than what you have envisioned for yourself.

This video really makes me cry

Much needed pampering

I had a lot of fun last night at my Arbonne Spa party. The products are so great! All natural and great smelling. I really enjoy using them. Along with my two friends, Noelle and Christine, we are hosting another spa party at the end of June. We hope to have a large turn-out so everyone can soak their feet and give themselves a great facial. Arbonne really sells great products, from baby to adult. I can't wait till my order comes!!

Also I found out last night, that I'm not the only one wanting to make a change in jobs. I've been out of college for 3 years now, and my little group of "for-get-me-not" sisters are still close. My two friends, (that I mentioned above), are changing jobs. They both are at that place. It's comforting to know that God really does have your life in His hands. It's also comforting to know that my change in jobs is normal. I'm not expected to stay forever at my job. It's okay to venture off on a new path.

Every day I have the reassurance that God will provide for Deric and I. I also know that God truly loves us, no matter what I do. I know for along time I had this view that I had to prove myself to God. I never questioned my salvation. I always knew that my eternity is secure because of my relationship with Him. I more questioned that He would only be pleased with me if I was doing ABC. But, recently I've come to realize that God's grace is sufficient. He loves me despite all my short-comings. I don't need to prove to Him that I'm good enough. He already loves me because I AM good enough.

I remember in college, my English professor made us memorize Ephesians 1. These chapter tell us that our self-worth really comes from Christ. I can't believe I forgot this!
I really don't remember his version he created for us to learn, so I'll leave with the real thing- straight from the Bible.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he[c] predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he[d] made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, 10to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.
In him we were also chosen,[e] having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.
For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit[f] of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way."

I did it!

I took the leap of faith.. I quit my job! I feel such a peace about my decision. I'm really excited about working still working with kids, but being able to bring my future kids with! I feel God is really opening this door for Deric and I. I will be making more than I did teaching, which is great! I will miss teaching and seeing the kids, but I know this is the best for our family.

This video is pretty cool :)

Check out my new layout!

I'm so proud of myself figuring this blog page thing out! Usually I need the assistance of Deric, but this time, I did it all by myself!

Does anyone understand?

So all of you out there who watch Lost, please help me. This show seriously has my wheels turning. I know Yale has started a new Harry Potter class. I think they should create a Lost class. There are so many unanswered questions, so many what ifs?
Apparently, there are 7 seasons... okay so what more can we find? I'm totally confused about Jin's death, the underwater plane, how the rest of the people on the Island die bc only 6 live..
This show is good.. any insights?

So I just realized how selfish I have become. I was so mad at God for taking away our little baby. But, the baby was His. He loved him/her first. He was gracious enough to allow me to be pregnant for 10 weeks. Our little baby is probably so excited and not even missing this place! Our baby is with Jesus!! Oh, how I get jealous.
One day we'll see him/her again.

It's been a long time since I posted. I've been crazy busy with school, etc. Deric and I got to enjoy a fun time to Disneyland in March. We also made a pit-stop in Big Bear to say a quick "hello" to our dear friends the Rices. 

Throughout these past couple months, one thing remains true- God is forever faithful. He is always here, always listening, and always loving. Even when I am complete opposite of these things, He is always consistent. 

27 days left in school! Yeah!!!

These are sad times

Well for a couple weeks it has been very difficult for me to write. 2 weeks ago I went to the doctor for my baby check-up. The doctor told us the most devastating news, our baby had no heartbeat. To make a long story short, I have a fibroid tumor that caused my miscarriage. Apparently the fibroid is located in a spot that kept the baby from growing properly. Last Friday, I had to have a d&c since my body didn't miscarry on its own.
Words can't really explain the devastation in my heart. All my life I've wanted a little one to hold of my own. Now my world has been crushed.
I know one day I'll see my baby in heaven and all the "whys" will be answered. Obviously God had a reason for this, but it's hard now to understand why He picked me.
Deric and I will try again to have a family. Next month I have to have more tests on my fibroid to determine the exact location of it. So I will patiently wait and pray that the Lord will bless me with a little one soon. Not knowing His timing is the hardest part. Not knowing which direction to go is harder yet.
Note: The Lord keeps putting this verse in my mind, which doesn't really help heal, but does give me hope. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to bless you and not to harm you." Jeremiah 29:11